Vietnam: My Personal Dissertation

Elsbeth writing…

At long last my journey through Vietnam has come to a close. It was 15 months to the day. My last few days in Vietnam were hectic and blurry as I tried to tie up all the loose ends, but as I started typing this blog I was sitting in the Seoul Airport (which I have to say is really nice and I had my first drink of water from a water fountain!) on the way back home. It was a long plane ride home and it seemed even longer because I progressively got sicker with a cold. Now as I finish and publish this I’m sitting by the warm fire at home.

In some ways it’s odd to be home again. Coming home, I felt like I was going to another foreign country instead of the one I grew up in—Vietnam has been my home for so long and I’ve acclimated myself to the culture and lifestyle. It’s good, though, to see the people and things I love again. I surprised myself with some of the things I forgot. And whoa, do most people have a Minnesotan accent! I didn’t realize how strong it was, but uffda! But then again, I’m also settling straight back into life at home as though I never left. I told my family that I shouldn’t be allowed to drive a car for awhile; now I’m back to driving and it’s like picking up an old habit. However, I’m a bit uncertain about some of the road rules like who turns first: the person going left or the person going right? No worries, I’m a careful driver :-). After living in a country with no explicit traffic laws, I was just a bit weird getting used to our organized way of driving as well as the different shifts and levers I have to use. I still have the urge to honk at people.

Anyway, I just want to talk about my last couple days in ’Nam and then move into giving my dissertation, so to speak, on my overall thoughts on Vietnam. So if you’re up to it, settle in for a long blog….

As Minnesota tradition goes, I haveta talk about da weather in Vietnam lately. Oh sure, ya know. It was purdy cool da last week I was der. It was getting cooler and cooler lately, but the week before there was a heat wave and then all of a sudden it was ‘freezing’ cold and drizzly. Dang it! I wanted to go swimming and work on the little tan I already have during my last few days. At least, it allowed me to acclimate to how cold is at home. However, they don’t have insulation in their buildings like we do, so you feel the same cold inside as outside. Plus, it's a damp cold, which is worse; it's not a dry cold like we have. I was wrapping myself up in thick blankets because I had cracks under my balcony doors, which let in the cool air.

Let’s see, that last week one of my friends from my job in the south came up to Hanoi on his break between contracts. It was great to see him. He, Ellyn, and I met for brunch that Wednesday morning. Before that, Ellyn and I had gone to pay our respects to Unka Ho. We solemnly walked around a refrigerated room with his re-embalmed body guarded by soldiers. He had just returned from his little getaway in Russia where he was getting all pampered to look presentable for his audience. We had to be very quiet and keep our hands to our sides. The line moved pretty quickly so you had to view him as you walked around. It’s like a perpetual funeral in there. I’m glad I went there though. My trip wouldn’t have been complete without seeing this revolutionary leader. He’s highly revered (practically worshiped) by many Vietnamese people, similar to our patriotic, propaganda-induced reverence for Abraham Lincoln or George Washington, though cranked up a notch. As Communist tradition seems to go, they go as far as to keep his body on display indefinitely (instead of abiding by his wishes to be cremated).

After that I went to the Ho Chi Minh Museum. I had been there before, but at the time they were closing so I didn’t get a good look at things. It’s a very well done museum. It’s artsy, but thought-provoking. Then I met Ellyn and our friend for brunch and afterwards he and I went across the road to the art museum. I think that was definitely one of my favorite museums in Vietnam—it was much better than the art museum in Saigon. The collection was fantastic and they had some really gorgeous ancient and modern pieces. I think lacquer painting is one of my new favorite art styles. The lighting and compositions of the pieces were beautiful. It would be neat to try it one day if it were possible. That evening we all met Steve for a good dinner at Kyoto. The next morning we also met our friend for brunch at the New Zealand café in town.

Otherwise, the weekend went fine. Getting through my long weekend of teaching was a blur and I was running around getting things in order and my locker cleaned out. I went out to lunch with some of the Vietnamese ladies from work. That was nice. On Monday I had a bunch of errands to run, including turning in my motorbike. I had just been to the bank before that and was in a bad mood on the way to my rental place for certain reasons concerning the bank, so I didn’t fully enjoy my last drive. I missed driving my bike as soon as I shut off the engine…. I don’t know when I’ll have another chance to get back on a bike. Not for a long time I’m sure. Hopefully one day I can find a Honda Cub on Ebay and pimp it out. That was one of the things I loved most about living in Vietnam. Traffic is another story, but I love just driving. It’s more of a thrill to have the wind whipping in your face than listening to the radio while sitting on a comfortable seat in an air conditioned cab. I can’t wait to start driving my baby, though. She still needs to get tuned up before I can take her out.

Anyway, on Monday evening I met up and had dinner with the same two friends I said before (Ellyn couldn’t make it because she had Dengue Fever). It was good to see them. The next day I spent a lot of the day at work getting things done and then I went to Ellyn’s house across town to help her pack because she was too sick to pack everything on her own. Yep, she got the dreaded tropical disease, Dengue Fever, but don’t worry apparently it’s not contagious. It’s too bad she had to get it right before we left, much less get it at all. Sam made us a good spaghetti dinner after we finished packing as well. Then that evening I met some of my co-workers for a drink after work.

The next day I went to a spa to pamper myself with a manicure, pedicure, haircut, and massage. It was a bit pricey for Vietnam and the manicure isn’t the greatest, but oh well. Then I ran a few small errands and had my last Vietnamese meal of Pho Bo (beef noodle soup, which is my favorite). Then I went home and finished packing. My family helped me move my bags down and fed me some dinner before the airport taxi came. It was sad to say goodbye to them and everyone these last few days. It was even sad to say goodbye to my landlady’s cat. As I was walking away he was looking after me as if to say goodbye and wonder where I was going. That tien ho—little tiger.

However, it was time to leave and now as I type this I’m back to the comforts of home. It’s good to be back, but strange. On the way home I got progressively sicker with a cold. I was getting a scratchy throat the day before, but on the long ride home it got worse and worse. It was a long, miserable trip. When I finally got home I wasn’t fully able to enjoy my Chipotle burrito I had been looking forward to eating for ages. But it was more important to see my family again. The next day my grandparents came to visit and we had a good meal and talked for awhile. The next day (Saturday) we all went to my brother’s marching band concert at the U.

Like I said, it’s been strange to be back, but at the same time it feels like I just left and came back. So many things seem so much the same. You would think that it would be strange going from a capitalistic democratic Christian society to a communal (well, more capitalistic nowadays) communist Buddhist society, but I think it’s stranger the other way around.

There’s so much open space and so few people. Everyone and everything is on such a larger scale. We have a luxury of space. People are so big (both ways), too, and I’m amazed at how much open farmland and stretches of nothing there are here. Before, I was a bit hesitant to say I really lived in the country, but I do…at least compared to the cramped space in Vietnam. Everything is also so new, cleanly cut, and correctly made from roads to houses to stores. It’s good to have these comforts again, but I miss the craziness of life in Vietnam. People are too safety and health conscious here—to the point of needless obsession. What’s with all the hand sanitizer around? I know; it’s the paranoia for getting Swine Flu. Cars drive too slowly and carefully, especially in parking lots. It’s as if they think I’m going to jump in front of them at the last minute to purposely get myself run over. Honestly. Strangely, I miss the dependable noise of motorbikes, trucks, and peddlers honking and shouting. All that noise started outside on my street at 5 a.m. and ended with the police truck going by with the loudspeaker at 11:30 p.m. At first all this noise was a shock to the system (as it is for most Westerners), but I think I got used to it. Having so many people around is kind of comforting. There’s a sense of community there whereas here there’s a sense of personal space and privacy. Both have their advantages and disadvantages.

Nevertheless, I’m totally glad to be back. It was by far time to leave and I still don’t plan to go back there for a long time. Like I’ve said before, though, I’m not yet done with Asia. The people, the culture, and the landscape still fascinate me. During my last few days, and really during my entire time, in ’Nam I tried to remember to suck it all in, thinking how beautiful it all really is to my Western-raised eyes. Although I would often get frustrated with what seemed to me illogical, annoying things, when I dug deeper I always discovered a reason for why it was the way it was. Little things, like women outside a temple selling incense sticks along with red and gold medallions for the worshipers or a family of four squished on a motorbike together, stick in my mind. Things that make you laugh or stop and think for a moment—those are things I miss about Asia.

Anyway, on that note, here’s my dissertation on Vietnam that had been brewing in my mind for a long time while I was in the country and is more so now that I’ve left. Keep in mind that these are my general observations and don’t necessarily remain true for every person or part of Vietnamese society.

Where do I start? I think like any place in the world, what essentially makes a place what it is, is the presence (or absence) of people. So I’ll start with the Vietnamese people themselves. I may have given the impression before that many of them are out for your money and will cheat you at any chance they get. That’s not necessarily true of course, although I did run into a good number of people who stole or took things from me dishonestly. However, any country you go to will have honest and dishonest people. I also think the people who tend to cheat you also have their reasons (not that, that justifies them for stealing by any means). For instance, they’re poor or have lesser education. On the other hand, I met many people who were very honest and kind towards me. For example, the family that owned and lived in my last apartment building where always very helpful, watched out for me, and scolded me if I paid too much for something off the street. The girls at school were also very sweet and I enjoyed going out with them after work.

Vietnamese people are quite warm. As Westerners would perceive them, they’re very touchy-feely. They have no concept of personal space and enjoy petting each other and linking arms. This goes for both men and women. You see men holding hands in public, but they’re not homosexual, they’re just friends and it’s a way of showing affection. Men in Western cultures seem to be too afraid of showing their feelings or being overly affectionate, because we view it sometimes as weird and creepy especially between men. Women are also very affectionate and always link arms when walking together.

I have a lot of respect for Vietnamese women. Overall, I think they’re very sweet and friendly; they’re also very hard working. There doesn’t seem to be a job in society that they don’t or can’t do. You often see them working on construction sites alongside men—something you rarely see here in the U.S. They’re the ones who own the small businesses and work every day, all day, while you see many men lazing around, playing a board game, or just sitting on motorbikes waiting for some business. Fortunately for women in this country, a lot of respect is given to them in society and they even have several museums dedicated to their hard work and contributions to the country.

Yet, it’s still largely a patriarchal society it seems. Men still seem to be the head of the household and women have a lot of expectations to fulfill as good wives and daughters-in-law. My landlord was definitely the head of his household. Some of them also don’t have much respect for women in the sense that they think it’s okay to whistle at them—among other things—which I find really offensive. A lot of people there have this concept of ALL Western women being loose, which really, really bothers me. Even the women think this. I do give the men kudos for being fantastic fathers, though. They doted on their children. You always saw them holding their kids and playing with them, which I thought was nice—you don’t see that as much here it seems.

They are much blunter, though, than we generally think is appropriate. For example, they don’t hesitate to call you fat or ask you why you personal questions like why you aren’t married or how much money you make. Then again, they also don’t hesitate to call you beautiful or handsome and compliment you. They will always ask how old you are, but don’t take too much offense to that, because they need to know this in order to know what pronoun to give you—whether you’re older or younger than them. They don’t have one general pronoun like we do for ‘you.’ In their culture they have a lot of respect and distinction for age. For example, ‘em’ is for people who are younger than you—both male and female. ‘Chi,’ for women, or ‘anh,’ for men, are for people a little older than you—maybe about the same or younger than your parents. ‘Ba,’ for women, or ‘ong,’ for men, are for elderly people who are your grandparents’ age. I kind of like how they have so much reverence for age. We don’t seem to put much value on wisdom that comes with living a long time.

They’re also completely and gaggingly obsessed with love. They seem to need a boyfriend or girlfriend and are very lovey-dovey and giggly when it comes to anything romantic, even boys. If you say you don’t have or want a boyfriend or girlfriend it’s beyond their comprehension. I noticed this a long time ago when I first came to Vietnam, but they’re in a very 1950s post-war romantic era. My mom also agreed with me when she came here. I think that similar to the U.S., when they were finished with war, peace and security were restored to their country, and the population began to become more prosperous, people sort of embraced life. There’s this feeling of family togetherness. Parents and grandparents dote on their children and buy them all sorts of balloons and trinkets from the street vendors on weekend evenings. They go outside to the park, drive their motorbikes around town, and do things as a family. There’s often a festive, light-hearted, gooey feeling in the air which is accentuated with Christmas lights strung around every city all year long. People seem to just be alive, they enjoy socializing and being out in public instead of inside watching TV (not that they don’t do tons of that anyway).

As for society in general, like I’ve said before Vietnam isn’t the most health and safety conscious place in the world. You see men welding with no masks and women chopping up meat to sell on the sidewalk during insanely humid afternoons. The kids at school share cups to drink at the water cooler—there’s no thought about communal diseases. Parents also let their kids play in the streets at night. They don’t obsessively worry about their safety like parents here do. Then again, living in Vietnam in that sense is very safe and there are few abductions or murders—at least you don’t hear about them on the news because the government doesn’t approve of things that make them look bad. No, really, it’s a very safe county overall and people aren’t quiet as paranoid of each other, even though they do obsessively lock up their possessions (and for good reason). Your biggest problem is generally thieves and you definitely should be aware of your surroundings. I was always wary of where I was and who was around me. Especially as a Westerner you’re an easy target because they perceive you as rich. I learned from experience and didn’t like to be out late on my own.

While we have our safety rules and regulations for a reason in the States, there’s something exhilarating about living without having to be so worried all the time about being ultra healthy or totally safe. People are too worried about everything nowadays. Granted, it’s a catch-22 here. Medical costs are extremely high, so if someone hurts themselves and they don’t have, you know, hundreds of thousands of dollars just lying around, they have no choice but to sue. Then people and businesses have to become more safety conscious because they can’t afford the high litigation costs if they are sued so they have to make sure they’re covered as much as possible in case someone doesn’t know how to walk on their own two feet and look where they’re going or something ridiculous like that. I don’t know how to explain it, but you feel somewhat more alive to not have things so perfect and clean cut. It’s refreshing. Then again, it is nice to be back and not have to deal with that nonsense and mess either. It’s nice to not see random piles of trash on the side of the road or to not have to look where you’re walking so you don’t trip on the broken pavement or to not have to worry about being hassled on the streets by vendors and motorbike guys.

As for the job situation there, you rarely see someone who is simply homeless and has nothing to do as you do in the States. Virtually everyone has some sort of job no matter how small. Even if they’re just sitting on their bum all day selling rice or fruit, giving rides on their motorbike, or being a motorbike attendant, they all have something to do and are at least making a little money. I think because of this there’s less crime and violence. People get violent when they have no work, no money, and no responsibility; giving everyone a job keeps them busy and perhaps feeling like they have something worthwhile to do and contribute. Also, having close family ties keeps a lot of people out of trouble. This is a very important lesson I think our country could learn. You also always see people working in the fields. Nothing is done with big machines, it’s all done by hand. You may think at first that this is just cheap, hard labor and they’re being used. And this could definitely be the case, but also think of the shear number of people in Vietnam. For a small country there’s a heck of a lot of them: over 83 million by the last count, making it the 12th most populated country in the world. You gotta give these people something to do and some sort of income, so why not put them to work in the field where they can replace machines? In the States we need to use machines to bring in our crops because we have so much of them and so few people; it would be impossible to do it by hand, but there it’s possible and practical to do. That’s not to say that they shouldn’t get a fair wage or be treated fairly. Anyway, it’s a different way of looking at things.

Then there’s driving in Vietnam. Ah, driving in Vietnam…. I don’t know how many motorbike accidents I’ve seen there—many of them right in front of my eyes. Most people jump right up afterwards and are fine for the most part. Of all the accidents I’ve seen—which are A LOT—I’ve only seen one or two really serious ones. While accidents aren’t bad, there are too many of them and they happen because people drive like maniacs and don’t think about the consequences. They cut in front of you, run red lights through a crowd going the opposite direction, pass you on the left side while you’re signaling to turn left, and so on. It’s all about getting where they need to go the quickest without courteously to the other driver. You can’t follow the set rules when driving, you have to follow the implicit rules and push your way through. If you don’t follow the implicit rules you’re probably more likely to get into an accident. It’s kind of funny, but when I first started driving motorbike in the small, quiet town where I lived I had a lot more accidents than when I lived in Hanoi. In fact, I had absolutely nothing happen in Hanoi, thankfully. Maybe I learned from my mistakes or maybe I was just lucky…. You also drive slower there too. Word of advice, your horn is the most important part of your bike. If you don’t have that you’re a danger to yourself and others. It’s polite to honk to let people know you’re there. I would rather have them honk at me. I get really nervous if my horn doesn’t work. I’ve been driving our family van, I always have the urge to honk at people who cautiously pull in front of me or pass me on the correct side of the road—just to let them know I was there—but then I think ‘oh yeah, that’s not so polite here.’

As for the countryside in Vietnam, I’m going to miss driving my motorbike through it. It’s really a beautiful country, especially once you get out of the city. The cities themselves aren’t anything spectacular. There’re no skyscrapers or exciting nightlife. Hanoi is more of a large small town with old French buildings, low-hanging trees lining the roads, and tight ancient streets, which is nice too. Saigon is a ramshackled maze of new and old buildings with huge trees towering in their midst, but there’s nothing particularly aesthetic about the city. The countryside is full of mountains. In the South you have wider bluff-level mountains that come to a gradual peak, whereas in the North you have jutting speared limestone mountains that look as though they’ve been dropped there by some humongous crane. The land around these mountains is as flat as northern Minnesota farmland. In fact, it’s perfectly flat even right up to the base of the mountains that simply jut straight up. You could just sit and stare and wonder at the landscape. I’m glad I was able to experience it like I did.

Then there’s the food. Generally, there isn’t tons of variety; basically, it’s different arrangements of rice and noodles mixed with vegetables and some sort of meat. Of course, there’s more than that and in the seaside areas there’s more seafood. Yes, there is also Western food around in the Westernized shopping malls, tourist areas, and swankier parts, but otherwise there are small restaurants and a lot of street food. The street food is pretty good and extremely cheap. You could buy a heaping plate for less than a dollar. Personally, I never got sick from any of it; even though the guidebooks tell you to be wary, I didn’t have too much discretion with what I ate. Although they are definitely not the most hygienic when cooking there are a few health procedures that more and more restaurants are putting into place, like wearing disposable gloves; they also know how to cook their own, traditional food. It’s going to nice Western restaurants where you have young, novice cooks that make you sick.

I can’t forget the language: Tieng Viet. Grammatically Vietnamese is an easy language to pick up; however, it’s the tones, which you have to perfect, that are the killers. There are six tones in Vietnamese that go with the different vowels. The tones are little marks above the vowels that indicate how you’re supposed to say that vowel (i.e. what kind of voice inflection you should have—if you have to raise or lower your voice, break it, or make it sound like a question). When you mix the tones with the vowels in the words they mean different things. For example you could have the word ‘bo,’ it depends what tone (or no tone) is on the ‘o’ to give the word it’s meaning. Even words with the same tone can have different meanings. It’s really difficult for a foreigner to speak the language correctly. Vietnamese have a finely tuned ear to hear what we think are the tiniest differences between sounds (you would think this would make them better at pronunciation with another language, but not at all). It reminds me of the SNL skit where there’s this ultra modern couple who have names that sound the exact same, even though they say they’re distinctly different. The guests they have over to their house can never pronounce their names correctly and both sides get frustrated. Just like the couple, they’ll get mad at you if you say the slightest difference in their names wrong, because it is a huge difference to them. Of course, then they don’t see a problem with calling me Outspit or Albert. Yeah, you would think they’d also be nitpicky about spelling, but they are the sloppiest spellers, at least when it comes to English things. You’ll even find obvious spelling errors in professional things that are literally set in stone. You wouldn’t think it’d be that hard to look it up in a dictionary….

As students though, they’re great. Generally, they’re very respectful and hold teachers in high regard. There’s even a teacher’s day, dedicated to honoring teachers. Wish we had that here. Kids work so incredibly hard, because they’re parents make them focus on their studies from the time they’re old enough to hold a pencil through university. I think this comes at a loss of other equally important life experiences, though, like holding a part-time job or being involved in after-school activities. Middle and upper-class Asian parents in general seem to take on this obsession of having their child succeed and become rich. It seems all of them are studying to be engineers, bankers, or doctors. No wonder many of them can’t find jobs in their field. Western parents don’t seem to be any less obsessed either.

Okay, it’s time to stop there before this gets unbearably long. I think I’ve covered the main aspects of Vietnamese society and my observations here and there. I just have one more thing to add. When people think of Vietnam they often think of a war-torn country; while there are still many remnants of the war left (particularly people with agent orange deformities), that is their past. Their present and future are nothing like that. One thing that does persist is their determination to better themselves and their country, while being fiercely patriotic. Yes, they still have a long way to go, but they’re a determined people and well on their way. I’ve been hearing a lot of comparisons between the wars in Vietnam and Afghanistan going around lately. What lessons can be taken from the Vietnam War and utilized in Afghanistan? While I don’t know all the ins and outs of either war, I have to say that the most important piece of advice others have given on this ‘new’ war is to understand and respect the country’s culture and people first and foremost. This was something that was largely neglected in the Vietnam War. From my experience living abroad, I’ve learned about a new way of life and a new way of looking at the world. I believe I’m better for it. Listening to what others have to say is the key to wisdom and a true perspective on life in my opinion. Imposing your beliefs or culture on others without listening to their side of the story is never the way to go. In fact, it’s the ignorant way to go.

So I’m excited for my next adventure—especially to see where it takes me, because as of now I have no clue. I think that’s the excitement of it though: it’s the unknown. Before I left on my long journey home my landlord and his wife invited me to have dinner with them. While they stuffed me with rice and fish, my landlord gave me a piece of advice that made me pause and reflect. ‘Life: It goes up and down, always up and down. That’s the way it is and you just have to take life as it is.’ Vang, toi biet.